What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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