Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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