I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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