areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
