i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
