Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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