Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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