I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize