im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
