oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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