I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
