I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
