Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
