Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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