you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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