She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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