I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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