Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
