Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
