i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
