you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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