grandma shit on top of the toilet
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
