I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
