Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
