So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
