I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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