watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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