Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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