I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
