fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
