I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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