I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
