I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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