Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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