I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
