Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
