she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
