I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
