A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
