it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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