yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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