My underwear smells like fireworks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
