I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
