Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
