Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
