there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
