My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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