We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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