haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
