her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
