yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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