if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
