actually, I'm a sock model
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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