Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
