is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
