So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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