Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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