is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize