respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
