she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
