just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
