also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
