nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
