Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize