Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
