Pappa wants mamma naked
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
