Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
