I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
