I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
