I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
