We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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