Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
