theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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