I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
