I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
