I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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