so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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