I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize