There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
