before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
