EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
