and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
