we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
