Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
