And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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