I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
