bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
