last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
