When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
