i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize