Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
