i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
