Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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