I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
either way he was missing a nipple.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
