that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
