You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
