just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
