You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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