It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
