Are we in a gay sports bar?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I FOUND THE LEGS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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