I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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