Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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