none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
