we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
