She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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