ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
